If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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