2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
its liver damage thursday
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
