ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
