So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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