I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
