You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
