gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
