i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
