lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
