don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
