Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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