She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
