The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
