It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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