he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So vagazzling was a success
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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