tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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