If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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