dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
