Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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