i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
