put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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