i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
