wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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