Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
