I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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