I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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