if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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