if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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