Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
