his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
