yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
