she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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