Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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