I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
