Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
