so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
