It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
