Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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