Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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