I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
