I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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