I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
