White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
where am i from again
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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