i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
