go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is the high leading the old right now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
