god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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