im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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