Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
