On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
only if we run a train.
done.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
