Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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