All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
