i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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