I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
