Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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