I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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