totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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