I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
