thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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