Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
