I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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