Will you blow on my dice?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
