In the future we'll all be gay
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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