2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
