dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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