Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
