I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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