i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This is the high leading the old right now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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