So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize