Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
