Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize