she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
