Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
