also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
