He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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