just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
