She announced her abortion via fbk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Randomize
