hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
